Tending the Goalie

Jan 17 2014

Just Keep Breathing

So this season has been less than spectacular for my son’s hockey team. A record of a couple wins-more losses-a few ties has made for a long season. But, as I mentioned in a previous post, many folks have told me that, for a goalie, being in net for a season like this can be the best thing. Lots of shots, lots of activity, lots of opportunities to learn and develop.

The same can be said for the goalie mom.

I used to be a more nervous spectator when my boy was in goal. I had a hard time sitting still and usually needed to find some space to stand and pace. I guess I just felt the pressure, just like I feel the pain when he is hurt or my heart breaks when his does.

This season allowed me to relax a bit. I just couldn’t keep up that stress level every week since he was under fire for a majority of the game, every time he was in net. It was exhausting. So, I learned to sit and watch the game, chatting with other parents, tensing only slightly when an opposing player got a breakaway and hurtled towards my son, who stood (crouched, really) at the ready.

Progress, I thought. Until…

This last game nearly did me in. This was the game that my son asked to play in so that he could face the team that beat him down earlier in the season. I was good leading up to the game – my son was hesitant to ask his coach and I did not step in. If he wanted this game, he had to step up and ask for it. I was not going to email the coach or talk to him on my son’s behalf. And I was happy when we got the email that he was in for that game. I was proud of my boy and excited about his opportunity.

Game time, however, was excruciating. I didn’t realize how nervous I was until we were driving there and it just escalated throughout the game. This game was not a big deal and the opponent was not all that great, but I knew this game was important to him and all of my mom instincts took over. I wanted him to have a great game. I wanted him to be successful since he wanted it so badly. I would have jumped out there and stood in the net myself, if that would have helped him out (and it certainly would NOT have helped so I stuck with willing all my energy to him from outside the rink).

I was a nut job. I was pacing, I was bending over whenever he had a shot on him. I backed away from the glass whenever the other team headed into his zone. I felt nauseous. At one point, I walked over to another parent, who complimented my son’s game, and croaked out “I can’t breathe.” I was that bad!

So, perhaps I have some more work to do on my game, just as my son has work to do on his. Or maybe I’ll just always be a basket case when he is in a big game (be it a really meaningful game or just one that means something to him). Braden Holtby’s mom certainly still seems to feel the way I do, and her son plays in the NHL.

Advice for all us moms, with apologies to “Finding Nemo” – just keep breathing.

Jan 13 2014

Put Me In Coach

That song has been in my head all day. Even though it is about baseball, it was very appropriate for my son’s hockey game today. A month and a half or so ago I posted about my son’s lowest-of-low points, a game where he not only got beat, but was completely beaten. Today was the second of two match ups with that same team – this time on their home rink. I told him the other day that he was playing them again this weekend.

His response?

“I want to beat them!”

I loved hearing that – no fear, no backing away from the challenge. Good stuff.

However, the decision about who is in net when is not mine to make. So, I told him that if he wanted to play in that game, he had to ask his coach. He was not sure what to say so his dad and I coached him on how to approach his coach and what he could say. At the first practice of the week, he chickened out and did not ask. He said he was scared that his coach might get mad at him. I explained that while his coach may not put him in net for that game, for whatever reason, there is no coach out there that would be mad to hear that a player wanted to face an opponent that had beaten them before.

So, at the next practice, my boy summoned his courage and asked his coach, who said exactly that – he would think about it, but he was very happy to hear that my son wanted this challenge.

Long story short, my son played today against that team and played very well. His team played well as a whole and I saw some great teamwork and loved how they had each other’s back. The outcome, while not movie-perfect (they were ahead 3-2 with less than a minute left and with .004 on the clock, the other team scored to end in a tie), was so much better than last time and my son was all smiles afterwards.

Another life lesson learned – “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” He had to let his coach know how he felt or take whatever was assigned to him. So he ventured – asked the coach – and gained – redeemed himself in his own eyes for the prior performance.

I’ll save my observations about how I felt through all of this, particularly during the game today, for another post. Suffice to say, I am learning some lessons of my own on this hockey journey of ours.

Nov 24 2013

Scaling That Wall!

A quick follow-up to yesterday’s post. Another great life lesson learned today – sounds pithy but so very true: Winning isn’t everything.

Today my son was back in net against one of the top teams in our division. The last time they played this team, they lost 12-1 (of course, that game was the first game ever for his team and many kids didn’t even know each other’s names). Today, the score was a bit closer, although my son’s team still ended up on the losing side 5-1.

However, my son had a fantastic game where he made a ton of key saves and was aggressive and as in their face as he possibly could be. He left that game with a huge smile on his face and that smile is still there, hours later. Yes, they lost. Yes, he got scored on a bunch of times. But he played his heart out and knows that he did his absolute best so instead of feeling badly about he loss, he feels on top of the world.

Winning really isn’t everything – knowing that you gave your all and did your best matters so much more.

Being the goalie sure can be fun!

Nov 23 2013

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Hockey musings

Hitting the Wall

Bam! As I feared, my boy hit that wall head first a few weeks ago.

Just a tip: You don’t bounce off of brick.

It was not pretty.

The long and the short of it – he was in net for two games in a row and while the first game was a better fought battle that ended in a loss, the second game was a big, fat, hot mess. A team that had scored only 8 goals in their past 3 games got 10 in our net in a mere 45 minutes. All I can say is “ouch!”

Watching my boy out on the ice was tough. He started to lose it out there. His head was down, he was sitting on his pads when the play was at the other end, and, at one point, after yet another back door goal, he bent forward and just let his stick slip out of his hand onto the ice. He was utterly defeated. If that wasn’t bad enough, my son, who has maybe gotten slightly teary for a second after a game once or twice in his career, curled up in the fetal position and sobbed on the way home from that game.

Heart. Wrenching.

Now that both he and I have recovered from that weekend, I can think more clearly about it. We asked for some advice from his coaches on what to say to him and the overwhelming response was “have a short memory.” There are no great words of wisdom to share when someone has just had their butt handed to them. The main thing his dad and I stressed was that, no matter how difficult it was, he had to be the bigger player out there. He couldn’t let his team, his coach, or the other team see how defeated he was. He had to keep his head up and be ready for the next shot, and try to stop the 30th shot just as he had the first.

Yes, I know. A very tall order for anyone, especially an 11 year-old boy.

But, as his goalie coach said, imagine you have a job where, whenever you make a mistake, a big red light goes off and a horn sounds and people start cheering. That’s what happens to goalies and if they let it get to them, they are not going to last too long in that crease.

On the bright side, he was back in the net the next week, without complaint or hesitation. I was really worried about what another loss would do to him, but he was back to his old self. Yes, they did lose again. They lose a lot. But this time he kept his head up and stayed on his feet and worked hard to stop that puck. I love his resilience.

And that is probably the biggest life lesson taught by this sports-related situation – no matter what life hands you, you can’t let it beat you down and you have to stand back up and be ready for what’s coming next.

Everyone probably needs to take that lesson to heart.

Tagged goalie, Hockey, resiliency

Oct 30 2013

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Digressions

You Can Play

This photo shows the place where the rainbow r...

I’ve always loved rainbows!

I had an interesting experience recently, while teaching my public speaking class. A student in one of my classes stood up in front of the class to do his informative speech and surprised everyone, including me, with what he had to say.

He stood in front of a roomful of peers and did something I am sure was terrifying – he came out of the closet.

He started by writing a word on the board – GAY. He then proceeded to tell us that he is gay and tried to inform us a little about what that was like for him. He described some of his feelings and some of what he’s experienced from others.

I was blown away by what I was watching – I know many people who have come out and I know how much they struggled to do so and how gut-wrenching it was for many of them. It was an amazingly brave thing to do and I wasn’t exactly sure how to react.

I also was not exactly sure how to grade his speech. He was doing this for a grade and his actual delivery and organization was not spectacular, most likely because this was a last-minute decision on his part and he had not completely thought it through. I managed to separate my personal admiration for the topic from my critique of his public speaking skills and came up with a score. But I made sure to contact him via email after the speech to express my admiration and explain that my grading had nothing to do with the content, which he said later he understood.

He was actually very thankful for my email and said that he was glad he gave the speech. He got the reception he hoped for – no one was upset or disgusted and after a brief round of congratulations from his table mates, everyone went back to their work and nothing more was said. No one freaked out and he felt accepted and relieved.

This happened about the same time as GLAAD’s Spirit Day. I saw purple around the internet and saw videos and pictures being passed around on Facebook. I was also reminded of the “You Can Play Project,” which is a program designed to help lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender athletes feel accepted and welcome in sports. All of this made me reflect on how difficult is must be to have a secret that you don’t think you can share. How scary it must be to think that people, even your own family, might shun you or cause you physical harm because of who you are. How isolating and stressful it must feel to live a life that is not completely open and honest.

My husband and I have worked hard to make sure that our son understands that everyone is unique and that is okay. We have introduced all types of families to him – divorced, not married, two moms, two dads, single parents – and explained that there is nothing wrong with any of them. He does still react a bit when he hears of same sex couples – when Abby Wambaugh recently got married, for example, he seemed a little startled when I told him how she now had a wife. But I explained it as I would any marriage and he seemed to accept that and move on.

I can only hope that when he encounters a teammate who is gay, he receives him or her just as he would any other teammate – with acceptance and an expectation that this teammate will give his or her best, just as is expected of everyone on the team. I hope that he will give it no more thought than that and respond with a simple “okay” and a “let’s play.”

Because I do believe that if you can play, you can play. As long as you are not trying to hurt anyone else or cause anyone else harm (physical, emotional, or psychological), then you are welcome in any locker room or on any sideline, anytime, anywhere. That, of course, goes for everyone on the team – the rules are the same for all as are the expectations.

I am thankful to my student who had the courage to come out to his class. He gave me a lot to think about all. I just hope that someday it won’t be necessary because it just won’t be an issue. It just won’t matter.

So, if you can learn, you can learn. If you can teach, you can teach. If you can research, you can research. If you can build, you can build. And if you can play, you can play.

Now, get out there and play!

Tagged LGBT, Spirit Day, You Can Play